My name is Had.  You may know me, but you may not know my knew name.   You may have no idea what I have been through because I do look my best to look the same.  I am scared to death of you.  I used to be just like you.  I once held my head up high without propping in on my hymnal.
    I was well respected back then, and I even respected myself.  I was wholeheartedly devoted to God, and if the truth be known, somewhere deep inside I was sometimes the slightest bit proud of my devotion.  Then I'd repent...because I knew pride was wrong.  I didn't want to be wrong.  Not ever.
    People looked up to me.  And life looked good from up there.  I felt good about who I was.  That was before I was Had.  Strangely, I no longer remember my old name.  I just remember I liked it.  I liked who I was.  I wish I could go back.  I wish I'd just wake up.  But I fear I am wide awake.  I have had a nightmare.  And the nightmare was me.  Had.
    If I could really talk to you and you could really listen, I'd tell you I had no idea how this all happened.  Honestly, I was just like you.  I didn't plan to be Had.  One day I hadn't, then the next day I had.
    Oh, I know now where I went wrong.  I have rewound the nightmare a thousand times, stopping it right at the point where I departed the trail of good sense.  The way ahead didn't look wrong.  It just looked different.  Strange, he didn't look like the devil in the original scene.  But every time I replayed it, he dropped another piece of his masquerade.  When he finally took off his mask, he was laughing at me.  Nothing seems funny anymore.  I will never laugh again as long as he is laughing.
    If only I could go back.  I would see it this time!  I would walk around the trap camouflaged by the brush, and I would not be Had.  I would be Proud.  Was that my old name?  Proud?  I can't even remember who I was anymore.  I though I was Good.  Not Proud.  But I don't know anymore
    Would you believe I never heard the trap shut?  Too many voices were shouting in my head.  I just knew I got stuck somewhere unfamiliar.  And soon I didn't like the scenery anymore.  I wanted to go home.  my ankle didn't even hurt anymore.  Not until the infection set in.  Then I thought I would die.
    I lay like a whimpering doe while the wolf howled in the darkness.  I got scared.  I pulled the brush over me and hid.  Then I felt like I couldn't breathe.  I had to get out of there or I was sure it would kill me.  I didn't belong there.  I refused to die there.
    I pulled and pulled at the trap, but the foothold wouldn't budge.  The blood gushed.  I had no way out.  I screamed for God.  I told him where I was and the shape I was in.  He came for me.
    The infection is gone.  He put something on it and cleaned it up instantly.  As He inspected my shattered ankle, I kept waiting for Him to say, "You deserved this, you know.  You've been Had."  Because I did and I know and I have.  He hasn't said it yet.  I've never known Him from this side.  My leg still hurts.  God says it will heal with time.  But I fear I will always walk with a limp.
    You see, I wrestled with the devil and he gave me a new name.  Had.

Poem by:  Beth Moore

Life is Hard but God is Faithful!

     I have a rough couple of days to say the least.  Life is just plain HARD a lot of the time!  I certainly feel like I have been dealt my share of trials and tribulations.  But I know that Satan's main targets are the Believers.  Especially those who have a powerful testimony.  I do.  Just when I think things are going really smooth, my feet are knocked out from under me.  My family never understands me and often I don't know how to have a conversation with them.  They say love is an action and not a feeling.......lately both seem to be scarce.  Being an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse is a challenge.  A challenge because anyone who cannot relate like to this type of abuse like to label you with all sorts of names and that is hurtful.  I doubt if my husband and my children will ever understand me and that scares me.  But if so, then I have to keep on persevering because this is a race that  will finish alone if I have to.  God is my biggest fan.  He's my running buddy too!  I can hardly wait for the day when we unite, I am ready.  But until that day I have to make the very best that I can to do whatever it takes to glorify God!  

My Alabaster Box

The room grew still as she made her way to Jesus while she stumbled through the tears that made her blind.  She felt so much pain and some spoke in anger as she heard folks whispering, " There is no place for her kind!"  But still she came through the shame that flushed her face until at last she knelt before His feet.  Although she spoke no words everything she said was heard as she poured her love for the Master from her box of alabaster.

I have come as well to pour my praise on Him like oil from Mary's alabaster box.  Don't be angry if I wash His feet with my tears and I dry them with my hair.  You weren't there the night He found me, you did not feel what I felt when He wrapped His love all around me.  You don't know the cost of the oil in my alabaster box.  I will not forget the way my life used to be.  I was a prisoner to the sins that had me bound .  I was spending all my days pouring my life without measure into a little treasure box I thought I'd found until the day my Jesus came to me!  He healed my soul with the wonder of His touch!  So now I'm giving back to Him all the praise He is worthy of!  I have been forgiven and that's why I love Him so much .   You will never know the cost of my praise and you will never know the cost of my oil in my alabaster box!

Hearing the Music

God wants you to hear his music. He has a rhythm that will race your heart and lyrics that will stir your tears. You want to journey to the stars? He can take you there. You want to lie down in peace? His music can soothe your soul.
But first he's got to get rid of that country-western stuff.
And so he begans tossing CDs. A friend turns away. The job goes bad. Your spouse doesn't understand. The church is dull. One by one he removes the options until all you have left is God.
He would do that? Absolutely. "The Lord disciplines those he loves" (Heb. 12:6). If he must silence every voice, he will. He wants you to hear his music. He wants you to discover what David discovered and to be able to say what david said.
"You are with me."
Yes, you, Lord are in heaven. Yes, you rule the universe. Yes, you sit upon the stars and make your home in the deep. But yes, yes, yes, you are with me.
The Lord is with me.